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How-to Life events ruminations

Notes on a Non-Directed Kidney Donation


“Do you have any questions?” the surgeon asked. After a year of learning all I could about kidney donation, I did not. Following a quick debate over who would shave my abdomen – the surgical team, eager to start, waved off a nurse – it was finally happening.

On October 30th my left kidney was removed via laparoscopic surgery, flown to California, and transplanted into a complete stranger. This kicked off a chain of paired transplants: in exchange for that person receiving my kidney, their loved one put their spare kidney up for grabs to another stranger with a loved one willing to donate, and so on. Last I heard, seven transplant surgeries were scheduled as a part of my chain.

Those recipients will live longer lives. And richer ones: free from dialysis, they can play, work, and travel. This came at little cost to me. I spent a night in the hospital followed by several weeks of recovery at home, mostly spent reading and taking walks. During the screening process, a surgeon categorized me as a “chronic do-gooder” type – guilty as charged – and as such I will confidently say there is no better deal out there when it comes to doing good.

Here are my collected notes from throughout the process. Along the way, I read, listened, and watched much of what’s out there about non-directed (aka “anonymous,” “altruistic,” or “good Samaritan”) kidney donation and have woven in a reading list of sorts. Those writings were above all what convinced me to donate.

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Life events ruminations

Fractions of a Lifetime

Last week I turned 39 years old. A few people pointed out that next year will be the big four-oh, but I see more significance in this birthday as a milestone delineating the portions of my time on earth.

Halves: if I have a typical lifespan, this moment is just about the halfway point of my life! That striking observation has me taking stock of things.

I hesitated to write this as many of my friends reading this are older than me and it implies that their lives are mostly over. But me not writing it doesn’t change that. It feels right to me to acknowledge the finitude and preciousness of life, whatever age one is.

Thirds: this accounting neatly renders my life into three acts of twenty-six years each. Which works out perfectly in my case: I had my first child at 26 years old and my youngest child will become a legal adult when I’m 52.

That makes a third of my life without children; a third of my life as a parent of young, at-home children; and a third of my life with adult children. This midpoint of my life is also the halfway mark of me having children at home.

Quarters: a quarter of this life would be nineteen-and-a-half years. That interval coincides with the two biggest lifestyle changes I’ve made, both related to diet.

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Life events

I ran a half-marathon!

On Sunday I ran the Dexter-Ann Arbor half marathon (DX-A2)! In my goal time of under two hours (1:56:44) and feeling good.

It all came together: enough training, perfect weather, and good strategy in terms of pace, nutrition, etc. I even got a bib number that was an omen of good fortune: 777. Going into the race, my longest run ever had been 10 miles just a couple weeks earlier. This Sunday was the longest run of my life.

Here I am, barreling toward the finish line.

The Race

It was hard to pick a pace target to aim for. An online calculator suggested that based on some old Turkey Trot 5K times, I could run 13.1 miles in 1:52:00, and I’m more fit now than I was in those races. On the other hand, most of my training mileage was at speeds of 10-10:30 per mile, so it seemed like a stretch to think I could maintain 8:35/mile for two hours. In the end, I shot for the classic target of sub-2 hours, and I’d felt good running big chunks of my long runs at that pace.

I didn’t want to go out too fast and jeopardize my chances of finishing, but it turns out I could have sped up. The race felt surprisingly easy, which felt bizarre then and still feels strange to type. I chatted with one of the 9:00/mi pacers during miles 6-12, agreeing around mile 10 that based on how I felt I should speed up in the last mile. My pace over my last 1.1 miles was more like 8:15/mi, uphill.

I like making new friends and it was fun to pass the time talking with my pacer, Mr. 1820.

I knew this race was a big deal for me, but I was surprised by how many friends and family encouraged me, and how much that meant to me. My wife and kids cheered me at the finish line (“daddy you ran so far, good job!”); my extended family asked questions and gave me props as I trained; my friends at the office and online congratulated me; and tons of strangers along the course shouted encouragement. Especially when I can look at runners who run faster and longer and think, maybe this wasn’t a big deal, it’s validating that friends and family show love.